Trust and Relationships — Austin Counseling Balance

Trust is simply the most important factor in determining your relationship satisfaction. Further, trust does not merely have to do with infidelity, it underlines the relationship entirely.

Do you trust your partner to do what he or she says?
Do you trust that your partner to be your rock?
Do you trust your partner to have your best interests at heart?

Generally speaking, many issues can ignite when there is a lack of trust in your love partner. According to John Gottman is his book, What Makes Love Last?, “Trust is not some vague quality that grows between two people. It is the specific state that exists when you are both willing to change your own behavior to benefit your partner. The most trust that exists in a relationship, the more you look out for each other. You have your beloved's back and vice versa.” In essence, without trust a relationship cannot flourish and instead there is a sense of betrayal present. Here are some ways love is betrayed:

Conditional Commitment: “I'm here for you... until someone or something better comes along.”
Nonsexual Affair: When the closeness with a platonic relationship reaches a dishonest level. A rule of thumb is to ask, “If my partner was around, would I still behave the same?”
Forming a Coalition Against the Partner: When you decide to always take the advice of your best friend over your partner.
Abstineeism or Coldness: When your partner needs you, you act unsupportive, unemphatic and aloof.
Withdrawal of Sexual Interest: Sexual intimacy can change through the relationship. This betrayal however, is when one partner stops engaging in a dishonest, uncommunicative and nonloving way.
Lying: Often times lying seems easier than telling the trust. One partner may say, “I knew she would get upset so I withheld the truth.” Every time this happens, it chips at the trust in the relationship.
Disrespect: Respect is diminished when you decide to put your partner down or assign negative characteristics to your partner. “A loving relationship is not about one person having the upper hand- its about holding hands.”
Unfairness: When it comes to how money is spend- on a tv or a new handbag, and the division housework are two common ways relationships become unfair.
Selfishness: Resentment breeds in relationship when one partner, overtime, becomes more demanding and less giving.
Breaking Promises: In a loving relationship, you dream about the future and make promises to one another about achieving them. “We will both save money so we can buy a new home” is one example. However, when one partner does not hold up the promise, “the disappointment jeopardizes a couple's trust in each other and their future.”

Just explained are 10 common ways we can betray our partner. If we are guilty of one of the above, that does not mean you are a bad person. It means our responses and behaviors need to be shifted into a more aware and loving pattern. In addition to describing how we can lose trust, there are many ways we can heal those betrayals. If you find yourself connecting to the topic of relationship distrust, talking to your partner in an open way can begin the path to resolution. In addition, many counselors and therapist can aid in working through the resentment. Finally,www.gottman.com has a large varierty of amazing resources to help get your love life back on track.